What do you do when you're in trouble? Ask for help? Be defiant and fight the consequences? Accept the punishment? Man I wish I knew.
Today is exhausting... trouble after trouble. Problems I have no idea how to solve, and problems that fight against everything I try to do. Problems that are no big deal in my eye, and major issues to others. Problems that make me so frustrated I cry. I don't know what to do...
Ask for help? There's no way to help. No way to change the way things are. Nothing I can do except face it. Can I fight it? Nope. Can't do that either. That would just cause more problems....
Accept it? Thats the only option left, and as much as I get frustrated its the only choice I have.
I accept all of it. Its just hard to get through it. Emotionally and physically exhausting. It makes me lonely too... and bad about myself. What a lovely combination huh.
Im lonely, but theres nothing that can be done about that either. I try to fill the loneliness... It makes me forget for a little bit, but then its back. I should have made more friends... I should have, i should have, i should have... Family is no help in this department either. I tried but i'm am done being let down.
Feeling bad about myself... well thats because I should be stronger to deal with everything with a level head. problems that shouldn't be problems, may not even be an issue if i could chill out. My heart is breaking because i feel like everything is blowing up and im trying to keep it together but im failing. My mind creates frustration. Am I doing things right? What should I do? How do I deal with this? Uggghhh an endless battle.
Im so lost... im so lost... im so lost. Its so hard, and i hate not being able to figure it out.
